Dead Inside
by Ryuuen Chou
Summary: A conversation between two lovers. A revelation. A promise. (shounen-ai)


Dead Inside  
By Ryuuen  
  
Warnings: Shounen-ai, dark themes.  
  
The Premise: Two lovers have a late-night talk that turns to more serious things than the usual everyday problems.  
  
A/N: Hmmm.. this is kind of weird. I was reading "Empty" by Smeegee, and re-reading my fic "God is a Big Fool".. and I got to thinking.. this is the result of those thoughts. It's kind of a pointless, one-shot, Shu/Omi fic. But I like it. Please read and review!  
  
NOTE: "/i" is Omi-mind-speech. "/i" is Shuldich-mind-speech.  
DEAD INSIDE  
iHai, koneko-chan? Daijobu ka?iGenki desu... anou...iWhat's wrong, kitten?iNothing. Just thinking.i..Why do you feel as if you've died..?/i  
  
Omi paused when he "heard" that, looking up into the eyes of the one he loved, tears gathering in his eyes as he saw the sympathetic almost-pain on the usually cold Shwartz. He curled himself a little closer to Shuldich, and felt strong arms encircle him, making him feel safe and loved.  
  
i...I just do. Have.iSou ka. But why? Is it because of your past? Because of those you've hurt? Or is it because you feel as though you've betrayed your friends?iShu-kun.. I guess it's no use arguing with you.. I guess it's a little of all three.. though you probably know that better than even I do, ne?/i  
  
Omi felt the older man shrug, saw a little smile alight on his features, a fond smile. He was glad that the coldness had at last melted from that gaze, at least while he was around. He was glad that his lover wasn't emotionless and cruel anymore.  
  
iStop trying to change the subject.iI.. ahhhnnnouuuu.. I wasn't changing the subject!!iThen stop thinking about other things. Tell me how you feel, right now. Tell me exactly what you're thinking.iI.. I don't know. I just want everyone to be happy.. it's not like I want to hurt anyone. I don't. Demo... I don't want to *be* hurt anymore, either..iI can see where you're coming from *there*. I don't like being hurt either. Which is exactly why I'd really like to steal you away from those other Weiss, and keep you locked up all the time, just so you can't leave./i  
  
This last comment startled a laugh from Omi, and Shuldich grinned at him.  
  
iWhat? It's true.iShuuu-chhaaaan. I'm a member of Weiss, just like you're a member of Shwartz. Even if you could somehow quit, *I* couldn't. So quit it.iNeeeee, koneko-chan, you're no fun at all. Anyway.. tell me more. Tell me everything.iYou sound like that psychotic woman from "White Oleander".. Astrid's mother. Ingrid.iWow, *thanks*.iHm. Didn't know there was a such thing as *mental* sarcasm.iFunny. You're changing the subject.iI know. I just don't know how to explain it. I feel.. empty inside. I feel like I... like I died a really long time ago.. and just haven't noticed until now. I mean, what am I? A pawn for Persia? A mindless drone who does whatever mission happens to come his way, killing for profit and hurting people and destroying them? Everyone I care about dies. Eventually I stopped caring.. but then I met Ken-kun, and Yohji-kun, and Aya-kun.. and you. The pain's coming back.. and I can't stand it./i  
  
Omi felt hot tears streaking his face, and realized suddenly that he was crying. He hadn't even noticed. Shuldich held him a little tighter, whispering "it'll be okay"'s and such, stroking his hair in a gentle manner that he had never seen before he began loving this man. He seemed so cold on the battlefield, fighting against them and hurting them. This side of him was something he hadn't seen then.  
  
iShhh... don't cry, kitten. I won't let anyone hurt you.. and who in the Hell could actually kill me, or those friends of yours, anyway? We're all too strong for those people. Believe me. I wouldn't leave you alone. Hell, it's hard enough for me to keep my hands off of you when we're supposed to be fighting each other.iNani wa? Hontou ni.iHai, koneko-chan?iSou.. it hurts to see you hiding all your pain beneath "ureshi-sou na kao".iDon't you ever say *anything* in English? I'm trying to practice. You could say, "a happy-looking face" but instead you say "ureshi-sou na kao"... you could help me here.iAa. Back to the same old kitten I'm used to. Of course I'll help you with your English, kitten. But you have to make me a promise first.iYou have to promise that the next time you feel dead inside.. or even if you're just hurting.. that you'll tell me right away, alright?/i  
  
Omi didn't answer. Instead, he leaned forward to kiss his love, blue eyes meeting green in a silent "/i".  
~owari~ 


End file.
